It’s been awhile since my last post…I’ve been trying to slow down a wee bit and not try and have a million and one things on the go. What I realised though, is that I miss writing. Writing has been my therapy. Since starting this blog I have gained such greater clarity and perspective by pouring out the good the bad and the ugly from pen to paper (so to speak). I have currently still got those million ‘things’ swirling around in my brain so I’m attempting to prioritise and re organise… starting with this post.
Now where was I?…..
Last post I talked about the game changers. Let me tell you how those have been working over the last six months: Let’s start with Summer. You probably remember the horrific previous Summer experiences we had? I was determined not to go into this Summer with feelings of dread and anxiety. I’ve always been an optimist and the power of positive thinking was my tactic. I ended the school year so much lighter than the beginning…the weight of the mountains that I had been carrying on my shoulders had been lifted. The outlook for my family was bright and it was the ignited light from within me, invisible to you and I but it was blinding bright to my children. In other words, they felt my presence, I was back, Mum was back!
Summer was wonderful. Maia was basically bandage(less) for most of the Summer. We even got her into the sea…result!! 🙂 She didn’t have the blood boiling thing going on. Her inner was more balanced. I continued to experiment with homemade potions and lotions. My mission now was that everything that went in her and on her was made by me. The secret to all of this was actually to do with me. Maia was happy and settled and consequently so was her skin…because I was happy and settled. Sounds simple hey? Sometimes it is really hard to see the wood for the trees! I was happy because the holidays gave me the time to do what I truly wanted to be doing and that is creating and experimenting with whole food recipes that provide my family with nourishment for mind, body and soul. And most importantly be able to hang out with my kids. Don’t get me wrong, we certainly had our ups and downs. Scratching was still Maia’s go too whenever she had any form of anxiety or she was upset. There were still days when I couldn’t wait for the holidays to be over so I could get my fighting children out of my hair!! (Then of course I would feel guilty for thinking like that). That’s when I was inspired or perhaps ‘driven’ to write my post on ‘Mothers Guilt”. This is an area I would like to explore more…another time…
The holidays were over before I knew it and back to work/kindy we went. We settled into the new pace which was much less hectic really well. Maia and I now have Wednesdays off together. This is the first time she has ever actually had one on one time! Our first Wednesday we went down to the river for an “adventure”, we had so much fun exploring at her pace not at the usual whirlwind pace of her older brother! When we got home, she was having her lunch and she turned to me and said; “thank you for taking me to the river Mummy”. Talk about melt my heart! Any doubt, guilt, reservations etc I had about having that day off were all completely evaporated. Those big brown eyes of hers, filled with gratitude, were all the confirmation I needed to know that I was absolutely doing the right thing.
As Summer drew to an end her eczema started to flare up again. (It had never actually gone away but was much more manageable). The change of season brought with it dry, itchy skin and yep you guessed it…more bloody boils! Rather than ‘throwing my toys’ I actually felt grateful that it wasn’t nearly as bad as it was this time last year. We had definitely made progress. Everything was still manageable. Yes we had to be more vigilant and yes we still weren’t sleeping through the night! (It’ll happen one day! 😉 )
The impact of my stress is clearly evident in Maia. We seem to be each others mirrors. I can see first hand the power of mindfulness. It’s all very well to outwardly say everything is fine but if inwardly you are still a mess then those words you speak or actions you take are pointless. When I stop, take a breath, and re focus then I can see her relax too. This is over really little things such as rushing around in the morning telling the kids to hurry up because we are late. One day we got in the car, I turned and looked at the kids, Jack said “what’s the time Mummy are we late today?” Maia just sat there scratching expecting me to be ‘stressed’ that we were running late. I did one of those lump in your throat swallows and replied “no we’re fine we’ve got lots of time to get to kindy today.” They both visibly relaxed. Such unnecessary pressure I had unintentionally put on them. I guess some mornings when they insist on dressing the dog in tea towels and themselves in togs..just let it go…would a few more minutes of their dress up fun really have mattered? Did mumzilla really need to grace them with her awful presence? It’s definitely finding the balance and laughing is so much more fun than growling. 🙂
Smile and wave boys… just smile and wave! 🙂
This has been a very brief outline of our past six months. From now on I would like to focus on what we are trying/experimenting with ‘today’. I have realised that I have had quite a bit of resistance in getting up to date with the eczema diaries. This is due to me actually ‘knowing’ that it is far more beneficial and most likely productive to be writing in present time…’today’. Yesterday has been and gone and it cannot be changed.
My mission has always been to not mask, suppress or temporarily bandaid Maia’s eczema. I want to meet it head on and eliminate it…for good…and for future generations! In other words, I want to re-programme her genes so that eczema not only is eliminated from her DNA but that of her children and their children etc! (I am having a wee chuckle at the reactions you are most likely having!) As you have probably realised (as I have too) that along the way this journey is far more than just eczema; it encompasses health, nutrition, relationships and general well being. I am mindful of the tangents I tend to go off on so I will endeavour to be more succinct. 🙂
Okey dokey…so subsequent posts will be current…hot off the press stuff! 😉